5 Brilliant Ways To Grow Your Birth Confidence (And Beat Your Fear For Good!)

I’ll never forget the time when I was heavily pregnant with my daughter, Nicole and I paid a visit to a close friend of mine. Her fearful words, “Wow…aren’t you scared about getting it out? How on earth will it fit??” were something I will never ever forget. Naturally, back then I was slightly concerned myself and she only fuelled the fire of fear I’d been trying so hard to ignore.

You see, no matter who we are or where we come from, the prospect of giving birth can be very scary for us all.

Usually this is because we’ve never done it before and so we have no real idea of that to expect, beyond the scenes of women screaming in movies. Or perhaps we have given birth before but it didn’t go entirely to plan. Or maybe everyone who crosses your path seems to take pleasure in recounting their birth horror story complete with gory bits. Or maybe you’ve just watched too many episodes of One Born Every Minute.

But here’s the thing- childbirth doesn’t have to be a scary and painful experience. By following the advice I’m about to share with you here, you can become more confident in your abilities to give birth, feel relaxed and calm enough to actually enjoy the entire experience and give your child the best possible start in life.

How fear affects childbirth

That fear you’re probably trying so hard to bury right now doesn’t just feel horrible- it has a powerfully negative effect on your ability to give birth.

You see, nature has a wonderful control mechanism which helps to ensure you’re as safe as possible when you give birth which is controlled by the so-called ‘love’ hormone and your stress hormones.

If the conditions around you aren’t optimal, perhaps there is a war going on, or an earthquake or perhaps even you are being chased by a great big mountain tiger, you most definitely won’t be giving birth. You and your child will have the best chances of survival.

However, there is one major downside to this excellent mechanism- it can also be triggered by internal stress, not only the external type.

If you’re feeling worried, anxious, stressed, fearful or even just apprehensive about the birth then you are jeopardising your chances of having an easy labour and bonding easily with your child. You’ll feel less in control, less able to manage the sensations, less empowered to make the decisions that are right for you and your family, and you’ll be less likely to enjoy your ideal birth scenario. You’re also likely to take longer to recover and find it more difficult to bond with your baby.

Understand that you can do this!

In this modern age of highly medicalised births, it’s easy to forget that childbirth is a completely natural process that has been happening for millions and millions of years before we ever came along.

Yet, even way back in the times before epidurals and hospital procedures, us women did a pretty good job of bringing our babies into the world. They had an innate trust in their body’s ability to give birth, so laboured in the way that nature intended.

You and I are no different from these ancestors of ours, and most importantly we can recapture that inner confidence quite effortlessly if we know how.

Running from our fears isn’t going to make them disappear. You will still need to give birth when those nine wonderful months has come to an end. There can be no avoiding it, nor would you want to. But it’s important to understand that you really do have the power to take control and have this birth of your dreams.

Whilst it might feel like a good idea to bury those emotions and deal with them when the time comes, you soon see that this isn’t just ineffective, but it will cloud your whole experience of your pregnancy.

It’s much better to face your fears head on so you can enjoy being pregnant, enjoy the childbirth experience and also maybe even enjoy a pain-free birth.

How to increase your birth confidence

Getting to grips with how you are feeling and gaining birth confidence is much easier than you might think. Provided that you’re willing to invest an hour or two of your time, you will see immediate results and welcome your child into the world with a smile on your face. Here’s how to do it:

Visualize!

Visualization is a highly effective way to unlock the positive power of you mind and achieve a better birth experience. It’s a technique used commonly by top athletes and highly successful people which helps prepare and actually ‘rehearse’ for any possible scenario before it happens.

If you’re afraid of childbirth and have been absorbing all those negative stories, you’ll certainly have created a negative scenario in your head which only exacerbates your worst fears. So instead, create something positive in its place. Visualize your ideal birth, imagining it in fine detail, including your surroundings, who is with you, what you can hear and how you feel. Imagine yourself feeling confident and in control, able to cope with the sensations with ease. Please do reach out if you need help with this- I have many visualization scripts that will make a difference.

Get a positive affirmation

Positive affirmations are a powerful way you can believe in your ability to give birth and will create a solid foundation of strength that you can rely on during your pregnancy and also during your labour itself. So develop your own personal positive affirmation and repeat it to yourself throughout your pregnancy. Write it down and display it somewhere prominent so you don’t forget. And pour your heart and soul into really believing that it’s true. You can do this!

Learn more about the birth process

Anything in life can be scary when you aren’t sure of what to expect, especially the birth process. So do yourself a favour and get your student hat on. Read as much as you can about exactly what goes on inside your body during pregnancy, understand the four stages of labour and don’t ever be afraid of asking questions. I run regular hypnobirthing classes which can help you understand all you need to know.

Speak to experienced mothers

Don’t allow yourself to listen to the scare stories or talk to people who just want to impress you with their birth stories. They will only end up falsely reinforcing your fears. Instead, connect with other experienced mothers who can share the truth about childbirth with you and also provide the support you need to have an easy and confident birth. There are also many positive childbirth groups on Facebook that are worth investigating.

Develop your support network

During the birth itself, it’s vital that you trust the people around you, whether that is your partner, a trusted friend or family member, or a doula. When you have this support, you will feel empowered and confident, and your oxytocin levels will be at their best. Make sure you can completely trust this person, and if you can’t, feel free to make changes. It’s your birth experience after all.

Even though you might feel absolutely terrified of giving birth right now, know that you have the inner power to overcome this and replace your fear with calm positivity and confidence. Women have been giving birth since the dawn of time, and you are no different.

Words © Pamela Windle 2016