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8 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Self-Love

Sep 22, 2016

You just know there will be trouble ahead. Their face is brimming with pure disgust, disappointment and anger…

They look you square in the face and screams, “That’s so typical of you! You’re pathetic! ”, grabs you by the wrist and tosses you sobbing into the corner. “You’ll never come to anything”; “You’ve always been so useless “; “You’re fat and ugly and no-one loves you” …

You lie there stunned for a while, your body shaking uncontrollably and tears streaming in a river down your face whilst they continue to taunt you, continue to hurl abuse at you and all you can do it just sit and wait until the tirade of emotions is over and peace returns.

Imagine now that it was your partner subjecting you to abuse like this. Would you put up with it? Or would you ‘kick them to the kerb’ and get on with your life with your head held high?

I can guess what your answer would be.

So why then do we women inflict all of this suffering upon ourselves and think that it’s perfectly acceptable? And why does the world accept this torture and think this is a normal thing to do??

An epidemic of self-loathing and low self- esteem plus a drought of self-love is now reaching record levels around the world; just flick through the pages of any woman’s magazine or website and you will see the evidence for yourself.

We listen to those self-deprecating thoughts that slip through the cracks in our self-esteem and allow them to fester. We believe that we can’t achieve our dreams and, despite our achievements, we cower in fear that someone will ‘find us out’ one day. We heed the criticism that they thoughtlessly dished out during our childhood, or at school, in the workplace or even in our friendships and marriages and, worst still, we think that all of this is a reflection of ourselves and our worth.

This has got to stop. Right here, right now.

Today, I want you to realize that life doesn’t have to be like this. You don’t need to beat yourself up every time you make a tiny mistake, you don’t have to be victim to those negative internal voices and you don’t need to martyr yourself for the sake of others. With an extra boost to your levels of self-love, you will making those changes that will transform your life. Let me help you.

What do we mean by self–love?

There’s nothing cringe-worthy about self-love. We’re not talking about gazing loving into our own eyes and declaring our undying love, and we’re certainly not talking about narcissism nor arrogance.

Self -love is having both the strength and personal power to stand up and say ‘Yes, I am worth it!’ It’s about banishing those inner critics and developing a healthy and positive outlook on life in which you have an unshakable sense of your own worth. There’s no room for self-doubt nor fear here. It’s about being your own number one fan and supporter, and being as kind and understanding of yourself as you would to a child or grandchild. It’s about caring and respecting yourself and doing everything in your power to promote your own wellbeing.

Last week, actress Angelina Jolie told the world of her own act of radical self-love. She’s not willing to live in fear that cancer might occur and claim her life, as it has for many of her family members.. She’s tackling it head-on and all in the name of self-love, with no concern for what others think of her decision. We could all learn a lot from her actions.

Why does self-love matter?

Self-love doesn’t just matter; it’s absolutely essential. Your behaviour, the choices you make in life, the relationships you have, the career path you follow, the food you eat, your entire life; it’s all hugely dependent upon your outlook. In other words, the way you view the world and the way you see yourself in it will influence the life that you live.

This means that if you don’t believe that you can do that new job, you won’t try. If you don’t believe that you are worth being loved you’ll keep on choosing the same toxic relationships. If you don’t believe that you have inherent value, then you’ll continue on the cycle of lifestyle habits that damage your body. The list goes on...

Change your outlook and you can change your life.

What makes us forget to love ourselves?

Sadly, it’s very common for women to hold negative beliefs about themselves. And these beliefs usually have come from somewhere outside of ourselves. Perhaps your father once make an offhand remark to you like; ‘Oh, you’re such a clumsy person.’, or your German teacher at school told you “You’re useless and you’ll fail at anything you ever try”. All though our lives, we subconsciously collect all of this negativity and we are left battling the results years down the line.

We can also forget to love ourselves when life throws one of its usual challenges at us. Life might take a different turn than we expected, we might feel pulled in many directions at the same time, or we might even experience a negative event.

For many of us women, these periods of transition also arise with hormonal changes, puberty, pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood or the menopause. The physical and psychological changes can leave us feeling vulnerable and facing questions that challenge our self-esteem and sense of self-worth.

It’s worthwhile to remember that all of these things are part of the rich tapestry of life, and have come to enable us to learn and grow. But unfortunately, they do have the power to knock our self-love for six and leave us picking up the pieces.

But there is hope. With a good dose of extra kindness, we can change self-doubt and self-dislike into power, pride and positivity.

How to get more love into your life

There is no need to continue to think such negative thoughts about yourself and feel so hopeless forever. These feeling are not part of you and you shouldn’t allow them to claim a place in your life.

So how do you get from self-loathing to self-loving? It’s simple. Make the following easy changes to your life and you will shine with a renewed sense of personal power.

  1. Discover your own value. Your value doesn’t lie in what you achieve, what you earn, what you own, how you martyr yourself for the sake of people’s interests or how much sleep you lose over your problems. Your own value comes from your inner ‘you-ness’. You’re special, there’s no one else like you on the entire planet, deserve so many wonderful things.
  2. Be kind to your body and your mind. Your body and mind work synergistically, and if you eat rubbish, you’re going to feel like rubbish. We all know what a healthy diet and lifestyle looks like, so take action. Cut your alcohol consumption, drink more water, treat yourself to an early night (you won’t be missing out on anything exciting, I promise!), get more exercise (even better if it’s in the fresh air) and eat plenty high-quality wholesome foods. Feed that body and your mind will follow.
  3. Reduce your quota of screen time. Have you ever stopped to think about how many hours we waste sitting dumbly in front of the televisions, our computers, tablets or smartphones when instead we could investing in something more productive and relaxing? Instead, do more of what you love as often as you can. Why not pick up a brilliant new book by an author you love, spend more time taking part in a dear hobby, or even tackling something you’ve always wanted to do?
  4. Pamper yourself at every opportunity. Why is it that we often feel guilty for pampering ourselves but don’t think twice to do that same for a loved one? Grab yourself a magazine or a gripping novel and relax. Run yourself a fragrant bubble bath, light some candles, take walks in the fresh air, do yoga, meditate and chat with friends. These things all make a difference to how you feel.
  5. Fill your own cup first. You can better care for others if you care for yourself first. So claim back that time for yourself; don’t take on more than you can handle and don’t martyr yourself through a sense of obligation. Talk through your problems, share your concerns with friends and family and ask for help if you need it. It’s OK not to be superwoman.
  6. Don’t compare yourself to others. You are a unique and wonderful person. There’s not one soul like you in this entire world, so why compare yourself? It’s a waste of time and only leads to heartache in the long run. Instead focus on your own life and how you feel about it, and make changes where necessary.
  7. End toxic relationships. Healthy and positive relationships are supposed to fill you with both energy and love. So if you’re in a relationship, whether that’s a friendship or a partnership, where you feel worse after you’ve seen the other person, end it now. Don’t fool yourself that things will get better, or that one of you will change. It’s highly likely that it won’t. Boost your self-esteem and self- confidence and say goodbye.

What changes could you make to revive your self-love and make you feel brand new again? Do you have a favourite hobby that has got lost on the way? What do you love to do that makes you feel wonderful? Could you eat better, sleep better and rest better? With the right attention and dedication, you can turn both your emotions and your life around, I promise.

But it’s a hard battle to fight and you might not be able to do it without expert help and support. That’s why I offer support to help you discover that self-love that was hiding inside all this time, and you’ll witness those amazing things it can do to your life.

Together, we can make incredible changes you’ll be proud of. Please get in touch if you’re ready to feel fantastic at last.

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