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How to Become Your Own Hero

Mar 08, 2019

Do you ever wish that your life was different?

Perhaps you wish you’d followed an entirely different career path when you were a youngster but fear, apprehension and your personal circumstances stopped you.

Or maybe that you’d spent more time and effort chasing your wildest dreams, even if you weren’t entirely sure they’d work out.

Or that you didn’t save much whilst you could, didn’t travel more whilst you were footloose and fancy-free and didn’t take care of your health quite as you could have.

You regret how you’ve let people take advantage of you over the years, you wish you would have stood up against the bullies and non-believers, and you wish you could have a touch more self-confidence, self-esteem and ‘girl power’.

I understand perfectly.

Many of the clients I work with in my Nottingham-based women’s wellness and hypnotherapy practice come to me feeling stuck and powerless like this.

Although they desperately want to transform their lives for the better; improve their health, change their lives, enjoy a vibrant future and feel better about themselves, they feel powerless.

They simply don’t believe that they can do it.

So with Internation Women’s Day today (8th March 2019), and the new female-lead Marvel movie release, Captain Marvel, just around the corner, I’d love to talk to you about what it really means to be a strong woman.

Let me explain why women will never be equal to men, how to reconnect with what you really want from life, how to stop feeling stuck and why you already are the hero of your own life story.

Women will never be equal to men. Sorry!

Whilst Captain Marvel is a great example of a woman in a strong role, that doesn’t mean we have to start competing directly with men to feel more like a hero.

We don’t need to try to be strong in the masculine sense of the word, or try to become more cut-throat or ‘tough’.

Of course, you’d be right in saying that seeing this kind of strong female role model is great for the younger female generation. It’s a highly empowering and helps us see ourselves in a more positive way.

But at the same time, it also misses a very important point- we aren’t equal to men in any way, shape or form. We’re naturally very different.

For starters, we have a unique balance of hormones which guides us through menstruation, pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood and right through to menopause.

Our bodies are also different from men’s on a physical level- we even have a different distribution of muscle fibres and body fat distribution compared with men.

And as pointed out in that classic self-help book by John Grey ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ we also think very differently too.

That doesn’t mean that we’re weak nor that we’re less than men.

Instead, it means that instead of trying to compete with men, we need to redefine what it means to be a hero in our own terms, as strong, positive, and empowered women.

For me, being your own hero is about knowing where you are in life and what’s truly right for you.

It’s listening to your intuition when you’re seeking guidance. It’s feeling confident enough to take the right action for you instead of sacrificing yourself, compromising on your principles or doing what other people expect you to.

It’s putting your own needs right at the top of your list of priorities. It’s building your resilience so you can face whatever life might throw at you. It’s feeling strong enough to take the right action.

And most of all, it’s about becoming who you really are inside.

Tips to help you become your own hero

Now, if you’ve lived your life feeling like a victim of your circumstances, you’ve been suffering from low self-esteem or low self-confidence as long as you can remember, or you just feel ‘stuck’ with where your life is at, it can feel like there’s no escape.

Worse than that - it can also be excruciatingly hard when it comes to working out exactly how to move forward in your life and chasing your dreams. But don’t worry- there is a way forward.

Follow the tips I’m about to share and you’ll flip the balance into your own favour and take control of your destiny again.

  1. Start Journaling

Putting pen to paper is a fantastic way to get back in touch with your true thoughts, feelings and emotions and then allow them to guide you towards the kind of life you want to live.

It’s far too easy for this part of your true selves to be buried underneath those daily obligations, commitments and other parts of your life. You forget who you are, you forget your personal standards and you forget what makes you shine inside.

Journaling can help you to remember.

Getting your deepest, most honest thoughts off your chest in this safe and non-judgemental way can also help boost your self-confidence, reduce your stress levels and help move you closer towards your goals.

To get started, decide where you’re going to write and how long you’re going to write for each day then commit to doing it. Don’t censor yourself or even worry about grammar, punctuation or spelling mistakes. It’s for your eyes only.

  1. Speak kindly to yourself

Using positive and encouraging words when you talk to yourself will help boost your self-confidence, help move you towards your goals and allow you to feel supported and loved.

This simple act can make a significant difference in all parts of your life. Because, it’s far too easy to listen to that negative critical voice and take its hurtful, damaging, and words to heart. We’d never in a million years speak to a friend in the same way we do to ourselves, so it’s time to treat ourselves as our best friends.

Next time you hear your inner ‘mean girl’, don’t try to silence it, but instead, tell it (either in your head or out loud) that you’re not willing to listen anymore.

Replace that negativity by telling yourself something positive and loving instead. Over time that critical voice will become quieter until you barely notice it anymore.


  1. Sing out loud!

There’s nothing that feels quite as good as popping your favourite tunes on and singing at the top of your voice, is there?

It turns out that singing like this doesn’t just feel wonderful, it also helps to activate your sympathetic nervous system, actives the vagus nerve, increases levels of the so-called ‘cuddle hormone’, oxytocin and also helps you get into a flow state.

Put simply, you’ll feel happier, you’ll feel more connected to those around you and you’ll improve your overall health too. So get those songs on and get singing!

  1. Create a vision board

Just as the name suggests, a vision board is a board which you can create to illustrate exactly which dreams that you’re chasing.

They’re brilliant because they allow you to get your hopes, dreams, aspirations, and plans out of your head and onto a page and enable you to start moving towards them, even if you only take baby steps at first.

They also work brilliantly if you’re a highly visual person.

Create your own vision board by creating a collage of the things you want in your life. This can be either a physical board like a pinboard or a piece of cardboard, or you can create one online using websites like Pinterest.

Find images and words from magazines or websites that show what you want to welcome into your life and fill up your vision board with these things.

  1. Learn the art of visualisation

Visualisation is a very simple technique used by successful people and high achievers to achieve their goals. By using the power of your imagination, you can feel more empowered to make the changes in your life that you desire and feel motivated to do what it takes to become your best possible self.

To do it, just create a mental image of your dreams and goals, using all of your senses to really make it spring to life. Picture yourself living the life of your dream and achieving those health and wellness goals. Imagine how wonderful you would feel. Include every single detail you can think of. Then repeat this visualisation regularly.

  1. Reach out for support

You don’t need to do this thing we call life alone! Us humans are a social species and we need connection with other humans to become happy and fulfilled in all areas of our lives.

So find your tribe. Listen to each other. Be there when you need each other.

Foster that sense of community and understanding that we’ve lost over recent years, instead of allowing yourself to feel isolated and vulnerable. Encourage each other to make your dreams a reality instead of letting life slip on by. Together we can be strong!

  1. Don’t be afraid to say no

As women, we’re naturally caring, we want to help out whenever we can and don’t want to let anyone down. This is absolutely wonderful and makes me proud to be a woman.

But all too often, this caring side turns against us and we can find ourselves agreeing to do things when we really don’t want to do the thing in question. We find ourselves becoming the martyr, neglecting our own needs, and struggling through trying to do it all.

This needs to stop. We need to learn to say ‘no’.

Of course, that doesn’t mean we have to be rude. Or we have to hurt anyone’s feelings. Or that we will ever let anyone down. With some carefully chosen words, we can learn to say a positive ‘no’ without guilt and honour our own authentic feelings and needs.


So to conclude, becoming your own hero isn’t about waiting for someone to save you, or hoping the answers to come in the shape of a lottery win or a miracle pill.

It’s not about expecting the universe to deliver everything you want without you lifting a finger.

You need to stand up, believe in yourself and your personal power, and take action to make your dreams come true. You can do it.


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