Do You Know Why Suppressing Your Anger Spells Disaster?

“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned.” Buddha.

Anger is an emotion that strikes fear into the best of us. From a very young age, we’re taught that angry outbursts are highly unacceptable, that ‘nice girls don’t get angry’ or that it is shameful and embarrassing to display our emotions in public like that.

And because of this terrible cultural habit, we’ve grown to be a nation that holds on to its grudges, that harbours negative emotions for far longer than we need to, and one that suffers from an incredible array of stress-related, anger-related problems.

Just like Buddha said all those years ago, you will be the one getting burned if you suppress your anger. You will struggle with your mental health, battle with your physical health and struggle to keep smiling.

Anger isn’t an emotion that we should be afraid of but rather one that we can harness for happiness and positive change. It’s what we do with it that counts. Let me explain.

The anger-inducing scenario

Picture this- you’ve spent the past few hours making the place look perfect for your surprise romantic dinner with your partner.

There’s no special occasion- you just wanted to inject a little spice into the relationship and make the effort.

So you’ve dressed up, lovingly cooked all of his or her favourite foods, even dug out some candles to add that little extra touch. And now you just have to wait for him or her to return from work so you can spring the surprise. The food is almost done and you’re giddy with excitement.

But…the minutes tick by…then the hours…and finally, when all hope has gone you hear a familiar bleep on your mobile. It’s a text message. It’s your partner. “Sorry…had to stay late at the office. Won’t be long.”

The anger rises in your belly like a fire. Your heart races, your face flushes and you feel utterly ready to explode. Your partner has done this so many times before and you’re getting sick and tired of it all.

The wrong way to deal with the anger

But like the ‘good’ partner that you are, you swallow your pride, pop that food into the oven to stay warm, swallow that anger down and simply say nothing. That anger is still there, lurking inside your stomach but as long as you don’t acknowledge it, it will go away, right?

Wrong!

Emotions never simply vanish. That anger will stay there inside, poisoning yourself self-esteem, wiping out your self-confidence and leaving you more vulnerable to heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, self-destructive behaviour and even reproductive hormone disruption.

Your body’s reaction to anger

When we feel angry, our fight-or-flight response is triggered and our bodies release huge amounts of cortisol, adrenaline and norepinephrine into our blood stream. Our hearts beat faster, our blood pressure rises, our muscles are primed for action and interestingly, we are also unable to use our rational brain momentarily.

If we deal with this effectively, there’s not too much of an issue. Our bodies return to normal and we live to tell the tale. Conversely, if we try to just suck it up and pretend that nothing has happened, we continue to be under stress. Our cortisol levels remain high and our bodies and minds suffer as a result.

Let me repeat that bit because it’s really important- Unless you deal with this anger in a healthy way, it will harm your physical and mental health and most devastatingly, your happiness.

7 powerful ways to deal with your anger

There are many ways you can deal with your anger in a more positive way so that you can protect yourself from those long-term effects and get that smile back on your face ASAP.

Feel the anger

Before you do anything else to deal with the anger and frustration you’re feeling, I’d like you to do something unexpected.

Instead of ignoring your feelings in the hope they’ll simply vanish, I want you to take a deep breath and allow your anger to emerge. Say hello to it, tell it that you’re listening and most importantly, that you aren’t afraid of the message it has to share with you. Remember, the emotion is only an emotion. It cannot hurt you. Accept the validity of your feelings and don’t judge yourself for having them either.

Next notice how this anger feels in your body. Does it make you hold yourself differently? Feel certain sensations in your head, neck, chest or stomach? This helps you see that your feelings and your mind are separate things entirely.

Have you been eating?

When we are hungry or we have low blood sugar, we can often feel more irritable, sad or generally angry than we would otherwise. That’s why it can be useful to consider what you’ve been eating lately. Ask yourself now if you’re eating regularly and how long it has been since your last meal? Have you been over indulging in those processed sugar and carbs? Did you remember to include protein with every meal to keep your blood sugar level?

All of these things can impact upon your mood and lead to that familiar scientifically-proven ‘hangry’ sensation [hunger+anger].

Avoid your anger triggers

I’m positive that you already know what’s triggering your anger. So clearly the most sensible thing to do is avoid these triggers. Personally, I find that watching the news (especially in the morning) makes me feel grouchy and irritated so I simply switch off and find something positive and uplifting to do instead.

Perhaps you find your anger is triggered by other things like racism, bigotry, xenophobia, people cutting you up on the road, long queues in the supermarket, the way your child drags their feet when it’s time to leave the house…Whatever it is, you don’t have to put up with it. Adjust your routine, change your habits or do whatever it takes to feel better again.

Channel the anger into something positive

Anger is an energy like any other and can be used for both good and bad. That’s right- you have a choice where you direct it! So instead of exploding at your nearest and dearest or swallowing it down, why not release it in a positive way. This is incredibly cathartic on many levels and might help unlock some hidden creativity inside. This could mean creating some art, playing or creating music, indulging in your favourite craft, dance, exercise or even just pulling out your journal and writing down how you are feeling. You’ll be amazed at how good this feels- I always make myself laugh when I do this!

Breathe!

Breathing is a powerful technique you can use to feel better right there in the moment, when the steam is ready to burst from your ears cartoon-style.

Firstly, tell yourself you are still in control, then take some really deep breaths to the count of four. Hold the breath for a moment or two and then exhale for a count of eight. Repeat for ten breaths, or longer if you feel you need it.

This technique will magically reduce your stress-hormone levels, bring down your racing heart rate and allow you to feel more centred and in control again.

Use it to fuel your life

Sometimes, our anger isn’t just about daily triggers that can irritate us on a temporary level. It can also be the expression of some deeper issues that we haven’t yet expressed to the world or even to ourselves yet. Just like I tell my childbirth clients, challenging sensations are usually just our bodies asking us to shift position. This notion applies to life in general, not just labour. For this reason, I’d always urge you to take a look deeper inside your heart and ask if something needs to change.

Ask for help

None of us are superhuman and there’s no shame in asking for help. So if you really can’t cope with the level of anger you are feeling, can’t fight your way through confusion to get to the bottom of the problem or just don’t know which way to turn, please do drop me a line. I can help and support you to overcome these issues and feel brilliant again.

Anger isn’t an emotion you should ever be afraid of. We all get angry sometimes. But what matters is what we do with this powerful emotion. Meet it head-on and use the energy positively to help you grow happier and stronger instead.

How do you deal with your anger?

Words © Pamela Windle 2016