There’s No Such Thing as An Average Menopausal Woman

If you believe everything you read about the menopause you’ll think that the average age for the menopause is fifty one.

And that the average menopause lasts four years.

And that the average menopausal woman suffers from hot sweats once or twice per day, and will also battle night sweats, difficulty sleeping, headaches, anxiety, a reduced sex drive and so on.

But there’s one major problem in all of this talk about the ‘average woman’.

You’re not average.

I’m not average.

And there’s no such thing as an average menopause!

It really annoys me when I read misleading information such as this. It tricks us into thinking that if our hormones don’t conform to this ‘average’ or we don’t fit the ‘norm’ that there’s automatically fundamentally wrong with us. But there really isn’t.

So this week I’d like to dispel some of these myths about the average menopausal woman and explain to you what you should really expect during the ‘change’.

The problem with the word ‘average’

I’d like to talk briefly about the word ‘average’ first, because this word can be really misleading, especially when it comes to the peri-menopause and menopause.

If you remember your high school maths lessons (argh!), you’ll know that an average is just a number you get by adding together several amounts then dividing them with the total number of amounts.

For example, let’s say that we talked to five women and asked them when they went through the menopause. Their answers were 52, 45, 50, 49 and 51 years old. We add these numbers together (getting a total of 237) then divide it between five.

Based on our mini-study, we could say that the average age of the menopause is 49.4 years old.

But is this really true? Hmmm not really.

Not only was this just a tiny sample and so can’t really represent the entire female population, it’s not representative of what’s going on inside our bodies. It’s not what we experience.

It’s just a number.

‘Average’ is just a mathematical term which makes it easier for people to explain something which is very varied. It doesn’t really mean anything. It doesn’t mean that if you don’t align to this number that something is wrong. You’re just not, well, average

We’re all unique

But no one is average, are they?

We’re all unique human beings with different genetic makeups, different backgrounds, different lifestyles and differently-shaped bodies.

We all have different likes and dislikes, we all have our favourite comfort foods, or favourite holiday destination, or favourite book, or favourite handbag, or favourite comfy pair of shoes.

That’s part of the beauty of life.

What’s happening with our hormones is certainly no different.

We didn’t all go through our periods at the same age, have babies at the same age or even learn to walk and talk at the same age, because life doesn’t work like that. So why should our journeys through the peri-menopause and menopause be any different?

There isn’t a date in the diary when the menopause has to happen. There isn’t a deadline. Your body is working to its own unique flow and when your body is ready to transition, it will be your time. Not because you’ve reached the ‘average’ age.

Not everyone experiences the ‘average’ symptoms of the menopause

Hot flushes are the menopause symptom that everyone talks about. You’d be forgiven for thinking that they were an essential part of this time. Almost as if there would be no menopause without them! But this isn’t the case.

Just because your mother suffered with the most horrendous hot flushes, doesn’t mean you will.

Even though your sister battled crippling insomnia and depression when she transitioned, doesn’t mean you will. Just because your best friend confides that her libido is non-existent these days and sex really hurts, that doesn’t mean the same will happen to you.

Your menopause journey is your menopause journey. What you experience is a reflection of your hormonal transition in your unique body.

It doesn’t need to conform to some ‘average’ because, again, there’s no such thing.

We want to be average

The trouble is, ‘averages’ are comforting. We like hearing about them because they help us to feel normal.

We’re already struggling to come to terms with the fact that we’ve hit the menopause. (We’d prefer it if we hadn’t, thank you very much!). We’re trying to make sense of it in whatever way we can.

Knowing what other women go through, knowing the ‘average’ can be a big help.

The menopause is a journey into the unknown and it can be scary. We just don’t know what to expect. We don’t want to lose our youth and sex appeal, we don’t want to lose our lust for life, and we don’t want to get old.

We want to make sense of it all. We want to understand. But comparing yourself to an ‘average’ doesn’t help.

By being our unique selves, with our unique bodies, hormonal balances and menopause experiences, by not being ‘average’, we are in fact perfectly normal.

Be careful of comparison

Whilst it’s always helpful to know more about other women’s experiences, resist the urge to compare yourself to others.

With social media, it’s all too easy to see photos from someone glamorous you went to school with on Facebook and wonder why you feel more like a sack of spuds! Or come across pics another gorgeous, energetic-looking woman on Instagram and feel utterly deflated, frumpy and...well, menopausal.

Remember, it’s your journey, it’s your body and it’s your life. It’s okay to look glamorous, but it’s equally OK if you don’t. We all age differently.

Focus instead on yourself and your unique menopausal journey, instead of worrying about whether you’re average or not.

Moving forwards in your journey through the menopause

So, I appreciate that letting go of the whole idea of ‘average’ and embracing your unique menopausal journey takes some work. It’s not easy. Here are a few tips that might help.

1: Embrace where you are

Avoid feeling angry or upset about what you’re experiencing- this only makes matters worse. Instead embrace where you are and see it as an opportunity to change aspects of your life, relationships, career, friendships, lifestyle or hobbies. Feel the fire within, this is your time!

2: Tune In

It’s really important to listen to what is going on inside your unique body and then give it what it needs. By doing this, you’ll connect better with yourself and enjoy an calmer, happier menopause experience.

3: Take care of yourself

It’s incredibly hard to keep trying to keep all those balls in the air when you’re feeling tired, anxious, depressed and hormonal! So don’t try. Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. Eat more nutritious foods, get some exercise, sleep more, connect with family and friends and practice sitting in silence. These things will all help you will feel much better.

4: Be patient even when your symptoms drive you crazy

When you’re in the middle of a hot flush or you’re struggling to fasten the waistband of your jeans again , it can be hard to stay calm. Especially when your head just tells you that none of this is fair and that you don’t deserve this. But be patient. These symptoms won’t last forever.

5: Know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel

Even if your symptoms seem to be getting worse by the day, know that you can take control of your symptoms, slow down the ageing process and feel more vibrant and energetic. Put into practice the tips I share in my blog (or get in touch if you’d like to talk about how I can help you) and you’ll feel much better.

There really isn’t any such thing as an average menopause.

Your journey is your own and will happen to your own body’s clock. Embrace it, avoid comparing yourself to others and learn the tricks that will help you get through.

And most of all, celebrate the fact that you are beautifully unique.