Do you often feel overwhelmed and burnt out?

You’d love to find time to relax, read a book and give yourself some TLC but you just don’t have a moment free! There’s so much to do, whether it's taking care of your partner, kids or family, keeping up with work responsibilities or juggling other commitments.

If you’re honest, you’d love to say ‘no’ but it’s so hard because you don’t want to let people down, even though you feel like you’re constantly giving and not receiving in your relationships.

Even if you do find the strength to say no, you likely feel guilty or selfish and so end up sacrificing your own needs for the sake of others.

Why are healthy boundaries so important in perimenopause?

Throughout our lives, society sends us the message that, as women we need to take care of those around us if we want to be respected and have value.

This means we end up juggling numerous roles and responsibilities, partly because our hormones tell us to do so. These push us to reproduce, nurture those around us, build relationships and play an active role in the community.

But often, we feel like we have no other choice because we will be judged or lose respect if we say ‘no’ or ask for help. We often push our own needs to one side, neglect ourselves and allow our personal boundaries to vanish before our eyes.

However, we start to feel this pressure even more intensely as we hit perimenopause.

Our fluctuating hormone levels mean we no longer have the energetic reserves we used to and end up feeling depleted, exhausted, overwhelmed and frustrated that we have to carry this burden.

We can often find ourselves asking “What about me? When will I get MY needs met? Who is taking care of ME?”

What does the concept of our inner child have to do with it?

If you’ve read any positive psychology books, you may be aware of the concept of your inner child. This is simply the part of your subconscious that has been picking up messages from the world throughout your life, even before it was able to process what was going on. This can include memories, emotions, beliefs, fears from the past and hopes and dreams for the future.

As we get older, the voice of this inner child often gets buried beneath all those responsibilities that you’re expected to juggle, multiple pressures and expectations. However, it's still there and it wants to be heard.

If you can listen to your inner child and prioritise its needs, you can build a stronger sense of self, gain confidence and set healthy boundaries that will help you free up more time for yourself, take care of your needs and create a more balanced and fulfilling life.

More than this, setting these healthy boundaries can help you free up more time for yourself and allow you to rediscover who you are and what you want and then show up as your best self in all areas of your life.

So take some time to connect with your inner child, listen to its needs, and start setting healthy boundaries that honour your worth and value.

How to develop healthy boundaries (without feeling bad about it)

Learning to say "no" can be challenging, especially if you are used to pleasing others or fear rejection. Here are some steps you can take to learn to say "no" confidently:

1. Identify your priorities and values

What matters most to you? What are your priorities? What is unacceptable? What are your key values? By considering these questions, you’ll better understand your thoughts and opinions, what motivates you and understand what personal boundaries you should consider setting.  [Try this free quiz if you need help identifying your values.]

2. Practice saying "no" in low-risk situations

If you’re concerned about saying no when asked for help, practice asserting those personal boundaries in low-risk situations like at home. This will help you build your confidence before you try it in other situations.

3. Use assertive communication techniques
   Express your needs confidently and ensure you’re taking the other person’s feelings into consideration. Use “I” statements such as “I need your support because I’m not coping well with…” Rehearse what you want to say beforehand so you feel confident.
4. Offer an alternative solution if possible
   Be factual about what you want and consider offering another solution to the person asking for help. Is there someone else who could help? Another approach they could take? Even though you’re saying no, they’ll appreciate your help and understand that you do care.
5. Learn to stick to your decision, and don't feel guilty
   Although it’s not easy, make sure you stick to your decision and see the outcome that you desire. See it from everyone’s perspective so you feel confident and won’t be shaken by the outcome.

Reminding yourself of your priorities and why you made that choice in the first place and really help and will lead to guilt-free communication.

6. Grab your spot on my transformative Reconnect to Your Power Retreat

There are other tools like hypnosis, NLP and inner child work that can help you feel confident about saying no and help you redefine your boundaries.

We’ll cover this and much more at my transformative Reconnect to Your Power Retreat in Sept 2023, helping you break through barriers, balance your hormones and help you start living on YOUR terms.